Many childcares and schools are exploring regulation with students through programs such as The Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers),. These programs aim to provide a common language around emotional regulation (I’m in the yellow zone)as well as strategies that can be followed by children using the program(let’s take some Deep breaths, a drink of water).
They may also bring up some questions for you such as:
- What ACTUALLY is regulation?
- Why do children become dysregulated?
- Why is it so hard for children to self-regulate?
Understanding regulation is key to understanding children’s behaviour. Let’s start with a few definitions.
Defining Terms Around Emotional Regulation
Emotional Regulation : Being regulated means that regardless of the situation you find yourself in or the emotions you are feeling you are able to think, evaluate and make choices over your responses and behaviours. When regulated we experience feeling control of ourselves. We feel attached to ourselves and our own bodies. (Lisa Dion)
Self-Regulation: Self-regulation refers to the ability to recognise when you are becoming dysregulated, when you are struggling with your ability to think, evaluate and feel control over your behaviours and choices. A self-regulated person recognises this and acts to regain control.
Dysregulation: Being dysregulated refers to moments or a state where you lose regulation, where your body and mind are overwhelmed and your thoughts and actions become more impulsive and less in control.
Coregulation: Coregulation is the experience of tapping into someone else’s nervous system to help your own system regulate. We use the other persons regulated presence to help our own bodies find regulation. This can be seen with a mother rocking an infant. The baby cries, the mother rocks and soothes and the baby is able to regulate and is often quickly content again.
Why Do People Become Dysregulated?
Dysregulation is a state of overwhelm in our nervous system. Every second our brains and our nervous systems are being bombarded with 400 billion bits of information. (Dispenza cited in Basic Knowledge101. Some of what we are processing includes:
- Sensory data, what we can see, hear, smell, touch and taste
- Possible threats
- Internal state of our bodies
When our body struggles to process all of this data and the sensations it is experiencing we can become dysregulated. Our body system becomes overwhelmed and our brains can regress to a more immature state while we try to regulate again. This immature state has more concern for survival than logic and learning.
A child who is dysregulated can experience some or all of the following:
- Feeling of not being in control
- Overwhelming fear , Stress and panic within their body
- Inability to hear (or process) what others are saying
- Disconnect from others
Many children, particularly as they get older, are great self-regulators when in low stress situations and when they are feeling physically and mentally strong. However, tiredness, , sickness and stressful situations can all add up to put an increasing amount of pressure on our nervous systems making self-regulating a whole lot harder.
For some children who appear to have poor self-regulation the truth may be that their little bodies are actually under a lot more stress than another child. Their challenge may be more intense and their struggle very real.
What does Dysregulation look like?
A dysregulated state can look different in different people or in response to different situations. Some people when dysregulated can appear:
- Silly and impulsive – moving in silly ways and appearing not to listen, making silly noises
- Aggressive – lashing out at others, even pushing, hitting and biting
- Withdrawn or rude- not responding
When dysregulated all of the behaviours you see are the bodies attempts to regulate by bringing in or shutting out sensory data.
Why is Self-Regulation Difficult For Children?
Self-regulation is a skill that must be learnt. The younger the child the less opportunity they have had to:
- Experience coregulation, being regulated by others
- Watch others and observe how they self-regulate
- Find strategies for self-regulation that work for them
- Practice self-regulation
Modelling Regulation
Children learn about regulation by observing others around them. One great way to help children be more regulated is to be more regulated ourselves. If we can model using strategies and ways to manage our and behaviours emotions we will be guiding children to be able to do the same.
Co-Regulation
When we are regulated we can also be a co-regulator for children. Co regulation refers to our ability to “share “our regulation with another. A simple way of saying this is liking having our own emotional state rub off on someone else.
A warning though, co-regulation can work both ways , make sure to share your self-regulation not join the child in their chaos!
Regulation is an important skill for all kids to be working on. It is important for us as adults to remember it is a skill, not something that young children have mastered just yet. Situations such as stress, illness and tiredness can make it more difficult for kids to practice the skills of regulation and, in particular, self-regulation. As adults we can foster the development of self-regulation skills by modeling self-regulation ourselves and “lending” our nervous systems, coregulating, children.
How Play Therapy Can Help
At times a child can be trying to manage challenges that feel too big for them. It may feel like they need some advanced skills in regulation. In this instance Play Therapy can help. A play therapist can work with your child to grow their self-regulation abilities. They can guide both child and parent on understanding regulation better and how to respond when dysregulation might arise. If you feel your child and family may benefit from working with a professional in this area please reach out and contact us. We look forward to answering any questions you might have.
